Weigh-In Today, Annual Thanksgiving Food Orgy in 48 Hours!!

Here we are again…  Checking up on me, and checking up on the ‘site stats.  The word this week is ‘up’, as both your web host and ‘site traffic have fattened up over the past seven days.

I'm in no rush, weigh-Ins should be savored.

I never rush these moments.  Weigh-Ins should be savored.

First, let’s examine the situation here on the ‘site — or, rather, let’s examine you, the visitor — and see how many of you have stopped by and let us also find out what you’re reading.

The news, if you long for a fatter Food is Love  is very good.  After thinning out a bit last week, the visits (by you wonderful fat fetishists) have returned to the road toward website obesity.  Page views here on Food is Love and Fat is Freedom for the week between November 19 and November 25 were up.  58 hits as compared to 41 hits last time.  That represents a 41 % uptick.  We’re averaging 8 or 9 hits a day.

Keep in mind, dear friends, that only you can put love handles on our blog.  So, stop by!  Stop by frequently and bring your friends.  Don’t forget to take cookies along (and chocolate milk!)  😉

At any rate, I’m noticing that you dear readers seem to be interested in the entire canon of Charon’s Aide’s scribblings.  Evidenced by this very informative chart:

On to the next piece of news.  Your web host is getting fatter as well.  As I suspected, joining a gym is a good way to expand your waistline.  You will, of course, remember that I surprised myself last week by purchasing a month’s membership to our local health club.  Want a more amazing surprise?  I’ve been going regularly and (since, if you’re like me, there’s no such thing as too much when it comes to gainer stats) keeping careful records on my doings.  First, check out the details of my dance with the elliptical machine:

Date Target Heart Rate Mins Distance Calories
11/19/13 115-120 0:10:00 0.66 99
11/20/13 115-120 0:10:00 0.67 99
11/21/13 115-120 0:10:00 0.70 100
11/22/13 115-120 0:12:00 0.85 120
11/23/13
11/24/13 115-120 0:12:00 0.87 128
11/25/13 115-120 0:12:00 0.87 126

Still not enough numbers for you?  Well, I ain’t just been doin’ ellipticals.  I’ve also been lifting weights, and recording my efforts in a little Excel Spreadsheet that sort of looks like this:

Leg Lift Seated Row Lateral Raise Seated Leg Curl Incline Press Arm Curl Tricip Press
Date Wt Rep Wt Rep Wt Rep Wt Rep Wt Rep Wt Rep Wt Rep
11/19/13 10 10 10 10 10 10 10 10 10 10 10 10
11/20/13
11/21/13 10 10 10 10 10 10 10 10 10 10 10 10 10 10
11/22/13
11/23/13 0
11/24/13
11/25/13 30 10 30 10 20 10 30 10 30 10 30 10 30 10

I’m hoping that these tables are self explanatory because, well, I’m in no mood to explain them.

Now, the chart you’ve all been waiting for: the chart of my fattening progress.  Well, I suppose you gay and female feeders will be happy to see the results of this steady application of workouts:

Charon’s Aide
Date: November 26, 2013
Weight
US 185.0 Lbs
UK 13 Stone 3 Lbs
Eur 83.9 Kg
Height
US 5 feet 11 in
71 inches
Eur 180 cm
BMI: 25.8 Cat Over V
Chest
US 40 1/2 in
Eur 102.9 cm
Waist
US 37 3/8 in
Eur 95 cm
Hips
US 39 3/8 in
Eur 100 cm
Pants: 36 Waist 31 Length
Shirt: L Size 17 Collar
Briefs: 34 inches Jacket: 44
Shoes: 11 1/2
Food Highlights:
Missed Monday Dinner

So, what do we see here?  Last week, 183.5 pounds.  This week, 185 pounds.  Last week, 25.6 BMI. This week 25.8 BMI.  One week!  And, as every feeder knows, one week’s worth of gaining isn’t going to be much.  Feeder enjoyment comes after a while.  So, let’s consider this:

If you project this gain for a few months until Charon’s Aide arrives at his next (60th) birthday my blubbery stats will look like this:

Charon’s Aide
Date: Birthday #60
Weight
US 244.0 Lbs
UK 17 Stone 6 Lbs
Eur 110.7 Kg
Height
US 5 feet 11 in
71 inches
Eur 180 cm
BMI: 34.0 Cat Obese O1
Chest
US ? in
Eur #VALUE! cm
Waist
US ? in
Eur #VALUE! cm
Hips
US ? in
Eur #VALUE! cm
Pants: ? Waist ? Length
Shirt: ? Size ? Collar
Briefs: ? inches Jacket: ?
Shoes: ?

So, if things keep going the way they are, I will be an obese sixty year old.  And, with a BMI of 34.0 I will have moved comfortably near the middle of the obese range (30 -40 BMI) and will be heading speedily straight to the extremely obese range (40-50 BMI).

Right now, with a BMI of 25.8 I’m barely into the overweight range (25-30 BMI) and situated dangerously close to the “normal” (horrors!) range of (18-25 BMI).

As you can see from my “birthday” stats I’ve made no prediction about my measurements or clothing sizes.  That, my fellow feeders, is a job I will entrust to you.

Be Happy,
Be Well,

Charon’s Aide

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One thought on “Weigh-In Today, Annual Thanksgiving Food Orgy in 48 Hours!!

  1. […]  1) Weigh-In Today, Annual Thanksgiving Food Orgy in 48 Hours!! […]

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